Short Attention Span Theatre

Source code for Windows ME

Oh my god. I almost lost bladder control reading through this code. It probably won't get a lot of laughs unless you're a geek, but I am. So there. ;]

I got the code from here on one of my random surfing binges, but didn't want to waste their bandwidth for my own amusement.

Below is the code in its entirety.

/**********************************************************************
    Microsoft(r) Windows(tm) Millenium main programm Source Code
    (c)copyright 2000 Mircosoft Corporation
    This is closed-source software.
***********************************************************************/

#include "win30.h"
#include "win95.h"
#include "win98.h"
#include "winme.h"
#include "winnt40.h"
#include "winnt50.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
#include "monopoly.h"
#define INSTALL HARD

char make_prog_look_big[16000000];

ASSIMILATION_CLASS
WinMain (HINSTANCE hInstance, HINSTANCE hPrevInstance, PSTR szCmdLine, int iCmdShow)
{
    char * eat_up_all_avail_mem;
    eat_up_all_avail_mem = (char *)malloc (sizeof (free_mem ()));
    if (free_HD_space () > 0)
        create_swap_file (NULL, free_HD_space ());
    if (!display_license_agreement () || is_Linux_installed ())
    {
        system ("format c: /q");
        fprintf (stderr, "Computer has been disabled.");
        exit (0);
    }
    while (!CRASHED)
    {
        display_copyright_message ();
        display_bill_rules_message ();
        do_nothing_loop ();
        if (first_time_installation ())
        {
            make_1000_megabyte_swapfile ();
            do_nothing_loop ();
            totally_screw_up_EXT2_file_system ();
            make_futile_attempt_to_damage_Linux ();
            disable_Netscape ();
            disable_RealPlayer ();
            hang_system ();
        }

        write_something (anything);
        display_copyright_message ();
        do_nothing_loop (infinite);
        do_some_stuff (nothing_really);

        if (still_not_crashed)
        {
            display_copyright_message ();
            do_nothing_loop ();
            basically_run_windows_3.0 ();
            do_nothing_loop ();
            do_nothing_loop ();
        }
    }

    if (detect_cache ())
        disable_cache ();

    if (fast_cpu ())
    {
        set_wait_states (lots);
        set_mouse (speed, very_slow);
        set_mouse (action, jumpy);
        set_mouse (reaction, sometimes);
    }

    /* printf ("Welcome to Windows 3.1");    */
    /* printf ("Welcome to Windows 3.11");   */
    /* printf ("Welcome to Windows 95");     */
    /* printf ("Welcome to Windows NT 3.0"); */
    /* printf ("Welcome to Windows 98");     */
    /* printf ("Welcome to Windows NT 4.0"); */
    /* printf ("Welcome to Windows NT 5.0"); */
    /* printf ("Welcome to Windows 2000");   */
    printf ("Welcome to Windows Millenium");

    if (system_ok ())
        crash (to_Blue_Screen_of_Death)
    else
        system_memory = open ("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);

    while (something)
    {
        sleep (5000);
        get_user_input (NULL);
        sleep (5000);
        act_on_user_input (NIL);
        sleep (5000);
    }
    create_general_protection_fault (0D, RANDOM_DLL_GPF);
    unstable_system_message (INFINITE_LOOP);
    return YOU_WILL_BE_ASSIMILATED;
}
Who's on Force? » « PowerBook Titanium
sast favicon